Recruiter: Can you explain the gap in your resume? Me: It’s a popular clothing store at the mall.
This year was so weird I grew existential dread locks.
How come dogs know to lick babies instead of eating them, but I went to college and can't do long division.
I got a job at the sausage factory just to make ends meat.
If Cialis commercials have taught us anything, it's that a rowboat is an acceptable place for a man to be horny.
I hate when my phone asks if I trust my computer.
I'd like to think I'll be a cool dad, but I just wrote an angry review of a trash bag.
If the best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup, then it's time to reevaluate your life.